So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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