dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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