Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Enjoy the penises
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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