Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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