im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
