If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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