from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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