Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize