That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My hand turned me down
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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