I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
