I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
