i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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