I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
