Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
