No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
