a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
