ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
