Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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