I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
