I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
