he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
