I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this is an emotional support booty call
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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