I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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