I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
