I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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