I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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