You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
