Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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