Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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