it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
