You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
