I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
