Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize