Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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