some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
