So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
