yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
