It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
