Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
