Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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