...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize