I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.