Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?