Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn