Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
