So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo