you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
