Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
