So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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