So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize