Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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