living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
