hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
