I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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