In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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