Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
