i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
