Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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