You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
