Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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