I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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