happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
