Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
