my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
