I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
