i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Of course I have a pirate flag
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
