rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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