I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If I die, sorry about rent.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
