my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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