where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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