Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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