im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
