I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
