Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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