Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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