Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
