took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
