I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
